Errores de un guiri (Palabras no confundir)
Guiri mistakes (words not to be confused)
I started Errores de Un Guiri to help people learn about Spanish culture and improve their Spanish by laughing with (or at) the mistakes I made. By understanding a language's common structures and idioms, you understand the humour and culture of the people (and vice versa).
Before reading, it's important to know what a Guiri is. "¿Qué es “guiri?” Un guiri es un extranjero que vive en España. Alguien que pone ketchup en la tortilla, mezcla los verbos estar y ser, deja propinas, busca restaurantes abiertos entre las 15:00 y 20:00, sale al club a las diez, llora en el ayuntamiento, pide paella fuera de la comunidad Valencia, y comete otros errores graves." What is “guiri?” A guiri is a foreigner living in Spain. Someone who puts ketchup on the tortilla, mixes the verbs estar and ser, leaves tips, looks for restaurants open between 15:00-20:00, goes to the club at ten, cries at the town hall, asks for paella outside the Valencia community, and makes other serious mistakes.
In other words, it's a slightly derogatory term for people like me.
Palabras no confundir
Translation
I love paella Valenciana because I love the taste of balls.
For those who think I'm forcing a joke here because paella doesn't have rabbit or balls, I urge you to visit the Valencia region – where paella is from. Sure, paella with shellfish exists, but the original paella is with rabbit, and during Christmas, you'll also find paella with balls. Well, mini meatballs, that is.
Translation
My balls are getting old. I need to replace them.
Translation
Can I use your dick, please?
Translation
I have a garden full of dick.
Translation
The forest smells like dick.
Translation
Dude, why don't you want to go out with us?
Because I'm married.
Translation
Why are you so down lately?
Because I'm married.
Translation
Why don't you want to have sex?
Because I'm married.
At this point, you might be thinking, 'what's with all the sex and dick jokes? Grow up.' Again, I urge you to visit Spain to learn about their culture.
Translation
Someone very religious: Leave the condoms. It's not God's will.
Translation
Dogflute (Hippy): I don't like preservatives, and I only eat fresh organic produce.
Translation
Guiri from the West Coast: I don't like subs filled with condoms.
A guiri from the "West Coast" of America is like a hippy but smells a bit better and confuses Spanish words.
Translation
I want to fight for women's rights.
He is good (as in, he's a good person).
Translation
I like to lift weights.
He is goooood (as in he is attractive).
Translation
I want to save all the animals.
She is good (a good person).
Translation
I want to have more followers.
She is gooooood (attractive).
Translation
I want to see you knot.
Translation
The guiri is uncomfortable because he is the only naked person in "Nudo Beach's" club lineup.
Translation
Correr = to run
Correrse = to orgasm/cum
Translation
I cum really fast with my new shoes.
Translation
Can we cum together?
Translation
Don't blame everything on me.
You don't blame everything on me.
You broke the printer, burned the computer... You're fired!
You don't blame anything on me.
Translation
These guiris are weirdos.
Translation
It's your fault that we broke up!
You don't blame anything on me!
Translation
He/she/it doesn't bother me, or you don't bother me. It depends if you're using the formal you (usted) or not. If you were to use the informal you (tu), it would be "No me molestas."
Don't bother me! Again, this is the formal version. If you want to be information (which is normal in most cases in Spain – even with teachers), you would say, "No me molestes."
Translation
Camper: I hate these damn mosquitos.
Guiri: Don't bother me!
Translation
Camper: Okay.
Guiri: Why is he leaving?
Translation
... In a touristic, Spanish place.
Hi friend! Where are you from? Do you want to buy something for the beautiful lady?
You don't bother me.
Translation
How great that I don't bother you. I'll sell you whatever you want.
Translation
To hunt
To marry (to marry off)
Translation
Would you like to hunt?
Well, with you, yes.
Translation
... The next day.
Translation
Do you have some hobbies?
Yes! I like to sew.
Translation
Dope! Can you sew this for me?
Yes, okay!
Translation
You are my boss, love.
Perfect! Well, get to work.
Translation
I love to sleep with good bosses.
Translation
Do you want to watch Criminal Hunt with me at 19:00?
Yes!
Translation
Where is my friend?
Where is the guiri?
Translation
Do you want to go hunt bears?
Okay.
Translation
But what are you doing, asshole?
Translation
How did you get so strong?
I go to the bars (calisthenic bars) every day.
Translation
Why isn't it working?
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